Thursday, June 21

what you see is not what you get: Mangga's confessions

Most of you know me as a happy go lucky girl, always on the
go, always into having fun and somebody who seems to have no problem at all…


Duh, what you see is not what you get… I may be happy
outside but inside im not that happy…


I don’t know… I just wish that someday id wake up one
morning and im in a place where nobody knows me, in a place that is so far far
away or at least a place new to me… or maybe I could be like Jenna Rink from
the movie 13 going on 30… in which id wake up one day and im already 30 and
having a life of my own…


You know the feeling that you don’t want to be alone… because
once your alone, all your worries, fears and insecurities will be haunting your


sometimes it feels like im so tired of my life.. and that my
life sucks… im not really trying to be pathetic here.. this is just what I feel
right now… waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh….


I don’t really just tell my friends about my dramas in life…
it’s just that, they’re not really used of me telling them dramas… usually they
wont believe me or they will just make fun of me… huhuhuhuhu….


So that is why, I only put my kadramahan in life in my blog… duh…


And oh, you know why I wake up late… (hahaha.. you don’t even
know that I wake up late)… neweiz, I usually wake up late because I don’t want
to wake up with my father inside the house.. it just feels like he is going to scold
me, he is going to talk about all my failures and how useless I am… so that is
the reason why every time I wake up and I would hear his voice id try to sleep


Sometimes I feel like im a nobody… sometimes id wish im
living on my own…


Sometimes it feels like nobody understands me at home…


Or maybe, it’s true that im useless.. im inutile.. im a


You know, how much it hurts when your parents tell you that
they dont really like you?...

You know how much it hurts when your parent will tell you
that he wishes you were never born? (oh yeah, I wish I was never born too)

You know how much it hurts when your parent will tell you
that it so nice to kill you?...

You know how much it hurts not being listened to by your
parents? How much it hurts not able to express your feelings to your parents…


Sometimes I wish I am beaten physically than beaten
emotionally… waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh



Sometimes I wonder if they do really value me…


Oh, well, im not somebody to be proud of or to be valued
anyway… im a failure….


And oh, for the benefit of the doubt, I’m not hating anybody
right now…


I just hope and pray to have a peace of mind… and I wish the
all my thoughts will be gone… or maybe I would suffer from amnesia… whew…


And oh, you know what’s wrong with me?.. I keep on giving
advices to my friends… helping them to stand up… uplifting there spirit… but
deep inside I feel like going down, down down…




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