Thursday, December 25

another christmas

Merry Christmas all!... may the true spirit of Christmas fill your heart not just today but always...

oh well, i have been greeting everybody a merry christmas... i have been trying to be merry this christmas... waaaaahhh..

ive been trying to smile, laugh and all.. i shared chocolates with my teammates, greeting everybody ith all out smile tryng to hide what i really feel inside..

i feel like im cursed.. every christmas is not really that merry for me... its either, i have a problem, a fight with my sibling, im alone, bored or heartbroken...

i dont know, but this christmas is just so boring... this is actually the first december that i never been to a party.. and this is the first christmas that i am away from home... i am with my sister actually but we didnt really celebrated christmas.. we just slept and didnt had a noche buena...

yesterday or shall i say yesternight, my friend and i had to walk home from galeria... he hates the long queue to ride a jeepney... he has been asking sory and asking me if its ok with me to just walk.. told him, its ok it doesnt matter and i dont mind besides i want to be exhausted so i can sleep... im insomniac and i hate it...

i was laughing with the silly and corny joke we had but the truth is i am bleeding inside... i dont know why... i just feel alone.. plus i felt like crying.. i dont know, i guess it was because i heard another sad love story again... i dont know why that i feel like i am the one who is hurt everytime i hear sad love story... i wasnt like this before.. waaaaahhhhhh...

also, i felt sad because i know that my christmas will just be boring... i miss my parents.. i miss home.. i miss everybody...

===

this morning i was txting with a friend, my officemate who just had dengue.. she told me that, she will be back by january but she will be in another acount... she shared about her slight amnesia.. well, its not really amnesia but her brain got affected when she was ill that there are certain part of her life that she forget... i wish i was the one with that problem and not her.. she told me it is difficult but i want that... i want to forget certain part of my past... i want to be someone new.. waaaaahhh...

i wish i would finally completely accept the fact that those will forever be part of my life....

======

we went to megamall today.. but before that, i had a small fight with my sis... i just hate being diturbed if i am talking with somebody on the phone..

neweiz, we watched Iskul Bukol (official entry of the MMFF).. its funny, really... and there was lots of people watching... but yet, i wasnt enjoying it that much... i dont know why... i am bored to death that even Tito, Vic and Joey cant take away my boredom..

upon going home, i told my sis that i will be staying in galeria first coz i will still have to look for something for our exchange gift.. actually i just dont wanna go home yet, i will be bored to death again... waaaahhh.. and i hate it, everytime i dont have anything to do, all i can do is buy something... stroll around and if i have the money buy something... waaaaaahhh.. i hate it its eating up my savings.. huhuhuh....

=========

anybody out there who can save me from this insanity?!...

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Friday, December 19

mood swing

waaaaaaaahhh.. i lost my headset... ano bah?.. ang tanga2 ko lang... lately i have been so out of my mind... i just leave my bag inside my locker and then go inside the operations floor without my headset... id set up my tools and then realize i forgot something... also i would leave the operations floor go to my locker and then realize i left my headset still connected to my multiplexer... waaaaaaahhhhhhh....

neweiz, change topic... lol

recently, i have been so overly dramatic... waaaahhh..

my closest friend in the office and i have been having a gap... its like he suddenly built a wall between us... there is now a gap... and i was like im doing him a favor coz i felt like its what he wants...

i dont really understand... what is so wrong with our friendship... we had a talk and he said that things has changed for him... and that is the reason for everything... i felt bad... but there is nothing i can do...

and honestly, i felt like being used again... he was even the one who asked me not to leave him... and now he is leaving me.. he was the one who told me that we will make a pact to help each other since we are almost in the same sitch... assured me to help me become whole again but he just broke me into smaller pieces..

now i felt like, disregarded since he no longer needs me... is that what a friend is?... i told him that friends should be together through ups and down...

i hate to think, but my ex boyfriend left me out of nowhere when he no longer needed me... and i never thought that a friend will do that to me too... people just love leaving me out of nowhere...

i am affected because we didnt have a fight... and suddenly things will turn up side down... we are still talking though since he said that we dont have to play deaf and blind and we can still talk... but what's with the sudden change?...

well, i hope i am just being overly dramatic... i hope my thoughts about what happened are just because of the mood swing..
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wish i am strong

what is so wrong with you?

yeah... its my fave line.. hahaha.. i kept asking my friends who love to bug me if what is so wrong with them... hahaha.. but that question is now coming back to me.. what is so wrong with me...

lately, i have been so insecure, emotional and all... i am feeling alone again... memories of the past has been haunting me again, reminding me of my stupidity... i have been crying for almost no particular reason again...

i have been telling my self im strong but im not... i pretend to be strong because i wanna be strong...

i have been trying to laugh at those sick jokes my colleagues were cracking... but eveytime we are silent and i am just staring at my monitor it makes me wanna cry... i want to have a lot of calls.. that way i can be busy and forget about myself but think of the customers concern...

my closest friend in the office has noticed the change.. he noticed that there is a gap between the two of us.. i noticed that too... i was thinking he is the one who has been keeping himself away from me... but maybe he is right, i am the one who is keeping the gap...

i dont know, i guess i am too emotional that i feel like i have nobody run about this... my "personal diary" is miles away... and oh, we are almost in the same sitch... tsktsktsk...

i dont understand myself... i want to cry... ive been giving out loud sighs... i cant cry infront of everybody.. but when i am alone that is the time that i let go of my emotion.. that is the only time i can let my tears fall...

paranoia please stay away from me... spirit of the past, stop bugging me... lonelines, please stay out from my door...

121508
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Tuesday, December 9

Christmas wishlist

hei, its almost Christmas..

days just go by without me noticing it... i guess its because of my sched...

but i installed a very cute application in my desktop at the office.. its a cute chrismas tree and it has a countdown to christmas... at least i would somehow feel the spirit of christmas coz honestly, i am not feeling it...

well, it could be because i am far from home.. and there is no sign of christmas in our apartment....

neweiz, i guess i better make my wishlist now... who knows somebody might be able to read my blog and grant any of my wish.. lol

not in order:

> Sony Ericson K810 or any SE cybershot phone... (i am really hoping i can buy this before the year ends but i promised my dad to buy him a new phone so i guess i should prioritized that)

> ipod (not really my priority, but i guess i have to save money for this)

> wi fi connection (or at least i am hoping my sis would reformat her laptop so that we can finally take advantage of the free wi fi from coffee shops.. starbuck perhaps...)

> good stats and hitting the metrics at work

> quality time with friends and family (at least those who are also here in MM)

> new dress, new outfit and new pants (so the guard wont give me another infraction.. hahaha)

> good health and more blessing for my family...


i dont know.. this is all i can think of right now... more to come soon.. hahaha..

im going to update this post if i can think of something else... lol

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!
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Wednesday, November 12

update: job

here i am again... ahihihi...

nothing much to say now.. i just feel like updating my blog... im suppose to update my other blog but i guess ill just update it next time... hahaha..

neweiz, got a new job now... i mean same job but im already working for another company and of course its a new account... this is my second week of foundation training... next week will be PST...

last week i got an infraction for wearing a mini skirt... haha... watever... that lady gaurd is just insecure...

tomorrow will be our pone simulation test... wish me luck...
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Saturday, November 1

New Me

forget about Josh...

I got a new name now...

its, JA-JA...

J for Josie and A for Anne...

or Jaja slang term for gaga... bwahahahaha

new name.. means new me... new identity...

lets all leave the past behind and move forward to the future... lol...

and oh, im quiet bored of my hair... im thinking of giving it a new style... will i look good with this?...



i think this is my hair style before... any suggestion for a new hair style?
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Friday, October 24

how am i?

i have been txting with few of my friends today... everytime they ask me how am i this is what i tell them...

im ok... im just suffering from mild depression, nostalgia and paranoia... and you can also include mild astraphobia... i need a psychiatrist or a psychologist...

i told them, i just need somebody will just listen to me talk... i just feel so alone right now...

Jay told me that i should go out with my friends here... i told him that i dont know anybody from here.. my only friends here are them (planeteers 62) and i cant even reach them... if bulacan is near from our place i was supposed to go there because he is a teacher in bulacan and they are having their UN celebration...

iking and i were talking about growing... i told iking that i really want to go back to leyte, i guess this is just what happens when your a spoiled brat and youre used to being with friends and then suddenly your alone... (well, im not totally alone, im with my sis but we dont get to talk me coz she's always asleep) i want to go home but i want to stay because i want to grow... Iking actually agreed coz its also what he is feeling right now... all we could do is to encourage both of us that we can do this and we can cross this trial...
when raf asked me how am i, i told him the same thing... about how i am feeling and that i miss them too... all the planeteers...

raf: h2 oky namn kami ni Win s floor, bkt knmn nagdadaan s mga ganyang prob? Nasaan nah c jaz?

me: hehe.. ikamuztah mo ako kay sherwin hah.. buti pa kau.. mis ko nah talaga kau... katxt ko pala c kamuning kanina we were thinking of a reunion. paul suggested bubbagump greenbelt3. kamuning wanted a place na centro sa ating lahat para fair daw..

jaz is gone with the wind... lost in the middle of nowhere... the friend i tot i can run to when i need him is suddenly gone..

grabe.. namis ko kau.. nagapply ako kahapon,i saw those newbies.. naalala ko tau nung job offere.. we were so excited.. comparing our scheds... lalo nah kau ni grace kasi d bah tau naman talaga ung magkabatch sa preassesment?.. hehehe

so yeah.. there goes the conversation... i told him that i used to be emotionally strong but now im getting emotionally weaker... and all raf could do is to tell me to continue to be with God... to surrender all my problems to God because only God can help me...

jas: ano bah problema mo?

(i was quiet shocked why he asked me that... is it really for me?... but i answered it anyway.. i guess natamaan sa txt ko.. haha)

me: huh?.. wla naman naman akong problema.. im just suffering from mild mental disorders... and i need a psyhologist or a psychiatrist.. hhaha.. bakit?.. ikaw? ano problema mo?

jas: see, jst as i tot, ur not gonna tell me what keepz u bothering, nd ur ending up lyk u hav mental disorder evnthough u dont hv!?. what's wrong with u?. is it me?..

me: hahaha.. how come its u?... ok i am suffering from mild depression, nostalgia and paranoia.. u can also include mild astraphobia.. ahihihi...

have u ever had the feeling that u cry for no particular reason at all?.. you want to talk to somebody but there is no body?...

me: my life is boring..

i dont have a job...

i miss the people in my life..

i miss the people in leyte and i miss my friends in PS.. i miss PS...

the only close friend i have in mm whom i think i can run to is gone with the wind...

i have nobody to talk to..

i feel isolated..

that is what is so wrong with me...

---------

oh well, does anybody out there got the cure for these?... thankzzzzzzz.....
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Thursday, October 23

is this nostalgia? or paranoia?.. *sigh*

hay naku...


have you ever had the feeling that you just want to cry for almost no particular reason at all?... and there is no shoulder that you can lean on... nobody to cry with...

i dont know... but right now i really feel like crying...

ive been having this feeling since yesterday... while inside the recruitment center of this company w8ing for my turn, i just felt like i am so alone... there was a lot of people passing by because i was waiting outside it was just near the mrt station... while waiting i felt like my tears are going to fall and my heart is aching...

i dont really understand myself...

and i miss all my friends from PeopleSupport... i can see ourselves with all those newbies comparing their schedules... we were also excited like them... when we had our job offer, we were so excited who will be going together in the same account...

i miss them.. i miss the building... i miss everything... it just feels like it will be different after that... where will i be? who will be my friend by then?... will i find another close friend and be attached again?.. i dont want it to happen anymore...

slept really late last night or was that early in the morning? i dont really know.. it feels like i cant breathe.. there goes my loud sighs again...

somehow... i wish to go back to college... where all that matters is my grades... and even though we had those sleepless nights, we were still having fun...

and if i could turn back time... i would correct all the mistakes ive done... oh well, like what they always say.. we learn from our mistakes...

oh my gosh.... my tears are starting to fall...


i think i just have this mild case of nostalgia or is this paranoia?

neweiz, ill be attending prayer and worship night in Victory tonight... i guess ill just have to pour all this tears in front of God...
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Monday, October 20

i have solved my first cube

Wow.. I finally solved my first rubik’s cube…


Well, yeah, I have solved it before when PSfriend was teaching me how to, but it didn’t felt like I solved it myself coz he was the one who did the first move in solving the last layer…


Credits goes to PSfriend since he really did teach me how to solve it and I have already mastered solving the first and second layer and to How To Solve A Rubik's Cube - Step by Step Directions.


I have been watching some guide in youtube but I didn’t really take it seriously… I want to download it but I cant.. too bad we don’t have internet connection at home.. so all I had to do is to search for step by step guide in google… and that site I found is helpful.. I downloaded the site and followed the guide at home..



Neweiz, I wasn’t really into this rubik’s cube thingy until lately…


My bestfriend Yen was already into it back in college and she even got a youtube video of herself solving it. It guess she was influenced by a classmate who won an international prize for solving the cube…


Back in PS days, I don’t know what have gotten into the mind of my friend when he kept talking about rubik’s cube… he bragged about solving the cube fast… I was trying to challenge him so we made a deal that ill buy him a cube and he will show off and then buy me a notebook that I can use during the training.. the next day, he did buy two notebooks for each one of us… i promised to buy the cube the next week since I had to go to Robinsons Galleria to buy a cube and our shift that time ends at 10pm..


I was actually able to buy him a cube and its not from Galleria it’s the substandard cube that is only 25php and it didn’t last long… the blocks were totally dislocated after how many times of twisting and turning it.. haha…


Neweiz, I found a really cute rubik’s cube in Galleria. Its from Toys R Us and it was on sale… its actually worth 199.75php but if you buy two you’ll get it for only 299.75php… its actually a keychain and I found it cute… I love it coz each of us can both have one and he can teach me how to solve it… oh well, I love my rubik’s cube although im not really good at it.. hahaha



2:00 am 10/20/2008

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Tuesday, October 14

this is so konpyusing

Watil: Gak, are you happy?
Me: Yup. I am happy but the total me is not totally happy...

Well, I should be happy. Everything is quiet well now... all i did the past 2 days was strolling around SM Mall of Asia, Glorieta and Robinsons Galleria, ate delicious foods from Congo Grille, Tsoko-Nut and Carlo's Pizza, i got a new dress from Plains & Prints, i got a new air bed, new set of beddings with comforter and two new pillows all sponsored by my sis... everything seems ok now...

neweiz, this is what happened to my life...

I went to SM MOA last Saturday. I went there because my sister promised go out with me an buy me a new dress and to treat me with something yummy... well, she kept telling me to eat a lot because I am loosing weight. Neweiz, we went to Congo Grille (MOA) with my sister's officemates or agents. Although I cant really relate to their topic, at least I enjoyed the food and I have eaten a lot... lol..

After that, we stroll around MOA and looked for a dress... I browsed at Kasheica first I found something nice but I want black it was brown I got a lot of brown dress already, my sis wont buy that for sure...lol.. so yeah, we went out and looked for the BAYO boutique but as we passed by Penshoppe I told my sis that I want a picture (they have this background sat up for picture taking...ahihihi... I cant find anything nice in BAYO so we had to go to the dept store still I cant find anything... I told my sis that maybe ill just try to look for something in Galleria after the Sunday service but she wants us to go to Glorieta so we rode taxi and went there. We went to Cinderella but I can't find anything. Neweiz, finally I found a black dress from Plains and Prints.

We went to the activity Center in Glorieta we didn't really do anything, we just sat there and rested. After that we went to Tsoko-Nut in SM Makati and ate and finally went home. I even went out to the internet café to post my pics after I transferred our photos to the flash drive.

I didn't worry about anything that day. Everything just went well... I was even thankful for I felt like a have moved on...

I was quiet tired but I have to wake up early to attend the Orientation for the Ushering Ministry in Victory-Ortigas. I went home for lunch. I needed to change outfit coz I will be starting my ministry.

I wanted to sleep coz my head is aching but I already told my small group leader that I will attend the small group (I was absent last week, I just told her to pray for me). So yeah, I attended the small group and I have started my ministry to God.

Neweiz, I shared to my small group that God must have done this to my life because I am loosing my way... this is to make me realize that I am getting far from Him again... He made me remember my promise to follow His way...

After the 5pm service, my sis and I went to the department store to buy a new bed for me. We got a new air bed, a new set of beddings with comforter, pillows and a new electric fan.

We also went to Metrowalk and ate at Carlos Pizza.

I got tired from all of these... ahihihi... its such a nice feeling that you are not really thinking about anything... ;)

I slept around three because I was talking with a friend over the phone... I was quiet tired that when I woke up, I cant find his text message and I have to asked myself did I reply or did I just erase everything... tsktsktsk....

Neweiz, I had a dream... a not-so-bad dream. I dreamt about him... it was that batch62 of Planet was having a reunion or something... he was not talking to me... it was like he was too ashamed of what he did or he just didn't want to talk to me... I felt like crying... I felt like breaking down... because I want to confront him but he was like pushing himself away from me... and its like he gave me back my things too (the weird thing is its not even my notebook.. hahaha.. but the notebook I was using back then in PS was given by him)and gave me the unfinished letter he wrote for me when we were still in PS... the letter was just nothing really, it was just that he will miss me if he will be gone blahblahblah... neweiz, I forgot the details of that dream but one thing is for sure, I woke up with an aching heart... it made me realized that I really need to talk to him to give me a peace of mind... he knows that.. I told him before that I am into confrontations. That I cant have peace of mind unless everything is settled and I cant have peace of mind without confrontation...

When I woke up after that bad dream I received a lot of good morning text.. I replied but only Ate Watil replied back... we had a good and not so serious conversation until she asked me if I am happy...
Watil : Gak, are you happy?
Me : Yup. I am happy but the total me is not totally happy...
Watil : same here.. im not also totally happy..
Me : but we have to be happy we have to choose to be happy...
Watil : happiness is just an illusion
Me : yeah... I choose to be happy but other emotions are promoting themselves....
Watil : this is so konpyusing...
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Thursday, October 9

friendship lost

Remember when we fist met?


We were in the same set


You started the conversation


And joked about my introduction




Well, I remember I just smiled with you


And gave comments on yours too


You called me Ms. American Accent


You were Acronym Master is my comment




You talked to me about something, days later


And then I tried to make you feel better


It’s a magic how it happened


You became my closest friend




It’s like we were joined at the hip


It’s a friendship nobody can rip


We made a pact to be each other’s partner


You told me that, remember?




One day you told me something


A confession I wasn’t expecting


I never really believed with what you did utter


I know from the start you’re a heartbreaker




One day, I played with your game


Promised myself to never be lame


You were just trained really well


I guess that’s why I fell




I wasted tears because of that


I guess I was a little stupid somewhat


It’s just that I missed the bonding we had


But somehow I am also glad




You are just so good at the start


You’re too coward to end your part


You think I am loosing, sliding down the ramp


But hey look, I am the real champ! 





10/09/2008 5:43am

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Wednesday, October 8

i am broken.. (lumbay ang buhay)

I am so broke…


I feel like I lost everything…


I don’t have a job… I don’t have money.. My cell phone is broken and my heart is broken…


I feel so stupid… I fell in love with my closest friend… and he just broke my heart…


I don’t know… I feel so stupid for choosing to believe him when I know from the very start that he is not serious or the feeling will just be temporary…



I cried… yes, I wasted tears for him… I don’t know… Its just that I miss our bonding… I feel like he or we wasted our friendship… I am so going to miss everything we used to do… I was just so attached to the friendship and the bonding we had… the kind of friendship that you share almost everything… its like we are inseparable…


We share locker… kami pa nga yung unang kumuha ng locker sa batch naming eh… nasa 4th floor locker naming kasi dun yung floor talaga namin pero sa 5th floor training room naming… kaya kung sino mauna pumasok kukunin na lang din nya yung gamit ng isa…


We share toothpaste… kukuha muna ako tapos ibibigay ko sa kanya… maarte kasi yun eh.. matagal sa washroom..


We go to the washroom together… of course he will go the men’s and I go to the women’s… hehehe


We refill our bottle with water together…


We eat our lunch together….


We always sit beside each other…


We got a lot of plans for our station… we planned to put our picture in our station since we sit together… before we even went to the operations floor for the a-bay or nesting as what others call it, we already promised each other that if we will be allowed we will be sitting together and we will be designing our station…


Every first break (back on training) we always go to the pantry and eat chicharon.. he loves chicharon.. also we always buy peanuts and eat it inside the training room…


If I cant finish my food he always finish it for me… ahihi…


Before we go home after the shift we usually go to jolibee to eat.. he loves jolibee.. his favorite is spicy jolly chicken joy even if he is allergic to chicken… tsktsktsk


We laughed at almost everything…


He always copies my expressions…



Our closeness started when he opened up to me about how he felt with our co trainee… kasi bigla siyang inaway… and mas lalo pa kami nagging close kasi sinamahan ko siya sa chinabank after our training para mapapain-cash yung checque nya… that was for our training allowance… nilibre nya ako sa macdo after that… and that was the time he started to open up about his family and his life…


I guess that was the time na parang nagpapasama nah siya sa akin kung saan man siya magpunta… parang lahat na ng cotrainees namin nasa loob na ng training room after lunch pero kaming dalawa nasa labas pa ng building…


Mas lalo pa kami nagingclose nung nasa isang acount na kami.. again it was because of his check for his training allowance.. lagi kasing mali yung apelyido na nalalagay sa check nya kaya lagging late… that time he asked me again or did I volunteered to accompany him… I don’t know, I forgot… but that time we weren’t able to go to the bank… pano kasi d pa din napirmahan yung checque nya… that time he lost his coin purse… he lost his money... the only money left was the change of the jeepney fare that he slipped directly to his pocket… me, as a friend I told him nah ililibre ko na lang siya ng lunch since may pera naman ako from our training allowance din… nahiya pa nga ang loko eh… hwag na lang daw.. hay naku… hahayaan mo bah naman ang kaibigan mo maglaway jan samantalang ikaw kumakain?.. lalo na at alam ko malakas kumain yun… hahahahaha….


Neweiz, after lunch that was the time he told me nah “oh, partners na tayo sa lahat ng bagay hah? Pagmagccr ka, magccr din ako…”


Natawa nga ako eh.. but I agreed.. happy ako syempre nah sinabi nya yun kasi parang mas lalo pa kami maging close


Halos siguro lahat ng co trainees na intriga sa closeness namin… hahaha…


Pano bah naman kasi nung first day ng training syempre introduce yourself muna.. we were asked to give 2 truths and 1 lie and then everybody will guess what was the lie… I cant think of any statement for my lie… so I asked him to give me one.. he told me to tell everybody that he is my boyfriend and that will be the lie… so I agreed and I did it… ahihihi…..



Fastforward……



Time came, that he kept telling me that he is falling inlove with me… dami nya sinabi… pero di ako naniwala… sabi pa nya sanay na daw siya na kasama ako araw-araw… told him that he doesn’t really love me, nasasanay lang siya na kasama ako… he kept insisting… sabi niya happy siya na nakikita yung dimples ko at nakikita nah nakatawa din ang mata ko evrytime I laugh… there was even the time na parang nilayuan nya ako kasi daw naiinlove na daw siya sakin.. hay naku…. Hindi talaga ako naniwala that time… alam ko naman nah hindi niya maiiwan yung girlfriend nya or magkakabalikan pa din sila kasi nga saying yung five years.. pero sabi nya “its not about how long the relationship had been it about being happy with it” I believe in that too but I didn’t believe that he love me… yun bang, alam ko na sanay lang xa kasama ako kya excited siya pumasok pero hindi nya talaga sure na love nya ako…hay naku alam ko mga kagagohan ng mga lalaki dahil madami akong kaibigang lalaki… basta ganun.. but he kept on insisting…



Neweiz, naattached ako sa kanya… sa bonding namin.. parang feeling ko kasi sa kanya lang ako comfortable… I treated him as my bestfriend not just in PS but in MM… yung parang siya lang yung kaclose ko talaga… Natouched nga ako nung una nya sinabi sa akin na namiss daw niya ako… para pa nga siyang nagdadalawang isip na sabihin sa akin yun eh… hahahaha… naisip ko nga nun, “wow he value our friendship”… siguro nga nasanay siya sa bonding namin kaya nasabi nya yun.. kaya nung nagresign siya iyak ako ng iyak.. of couse, I will miss all the things we used to do… it feels like my PS life wont be the same without him…



So yeah, eventually we had the stupid relationship.. parang naniwala na lang ako sa kanya dahil sa mga pinapakita nya… pero kahit parang may relasyon na kami I was still in doubt.. parang sinasabi ko pa nga sa kanya nah sabihin nya lang sa akin kung ginagago nya lang ako..hahayz.. stupid me.. syempre idedeny nya yun.. hahaha.. pero I have known right from the start that all this things will happen… its just that umasa ako na hindi… I believed of the sign… kasi naman I had this dream na nakita ko father niya although I haven’t really met him… my imagination when it comes to his father is yung medyo bansot (hindi katangkaran) at medyo malaki yung tiyan… sa dream ko he was tall and thin… when I so his picture sa celphon nya parang nashock ako kasi that was the man I saw in my dream… ayun, sabi niya sign na daw yun… at that point, natawa lang ako… hindi pa ako naniniwala… sa later part na lang ako naniwala nung parang pinili ko nah na paniwalaan xa…



It wouldn’t have hurt this so much if he would have been man enough to break the bond with me.. hindi yung bigla na lang siya mawala… at inaway pa ako ng gf nya hah… tsktsktsk… pero nagkausap na kami ng gf nya… told her everything nah… I hope were already ok… I think we are… I promised her that di ko sila gugulohin.. hay naku d ako yung ganung klaseng babae noh?.. sa ganda kung to maghahabol sa bansot at matabang yun… hahahaha…. Nasayangan lang talaga ako sa friendship… parang I trusted him that he wont waste our friendship just for that.. kaya ganun…



Feeling ko nga I never really loved him after allnasayangan lang kasi ako sa bonding naming eh… namiss ko lang samahan naming sa PS… how I wish we will be given the chance to talk para everything will be clear and everything will be ok nah… I got a lot of questions for him… I want to clarify everything and I want to learn from him… hay naku… if only we didn’t have that stupid relationship sana friends pa din kami…



Ayoko na man talaga awayin siya eh.. feeling ko mahihirapan ako magmove-on kung galit ako sa kanya.. and that’s why gusto ko siya makausap…



Hay naku here is another not-so-weird thing… ahihi.. I used to write poems which talks about me being broken hearted when infact that time I never felt like broken hearted… I used to listen to break up songs and songs that has grudge with boys… its like I want to know how it feels and now I have felt it… ahihihi… and now that I am feeling it im not so sure if I can write a poem anymore…tsktsktsk



Hay naku… everything is just to fast… from planet days to nsi days and now its all gone… it ended just like that… oh well, that’s life..



They told me I will find another him.. I told myself I will find a better mantake note not a better him coz he is not even worth it… lol… I will find a better man, somebody that God will give me….


They told me that what a broken heart needs is another heart to love it… I asked them who will save me from this?... I answered myself its gonna be myself with my God…

Continue Reading...

Wednesday, September 24

update lang...

eto na naman ako update ko lang blog ko.. wla akong magawa eh...

dami na nangyari sa buhay ko.. sa dami eh nakalimutan ko nah ung karamihan... hahahaha.. kamustah na man yun..

neweiz, balik tambay na naman ako.. natanggal kasi ako sa trabaho... ang dahilan eh, dalawa na absent ko... pano nagkasakit kasi ako... pero ok lang yun... baka d lang talaga para sa akin yung PS... ahihihihi.... magaaply na lang ako dun sa company na pinagtatrabahoan ng sis ko...  hay naku.. kung matanggap ako dun, ibig sabihin araw2 ko na makikita ate ko ang looking at the bright side it means may makakain ako.. syempre magpapalibri ako sa kanya eh mayaman yun eh.. hahahaha...

neweiz, wla na kami ng boyfriend ko.. at lang hiya d man lang ako pinaglaban.. tsktsktsk... oh well, tama nga naman cguro desisyon ko... parang feeling ko kasi puro basketball lang iniisip nya... yung parang wla pa siyang plano sa buhay nya.. eh kamuzta na man yun?... hahahahah.. ahh basta, sa akin na lang ang mga detalye... hahahaha...

hahayzz.. balik tambay na naman ako...

ano ba namn to.. bat bah ako nagtatagalog?... waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh
Continue Reading...

Saturday, August 16

my life verse

I finally found my life verse.



So yeah, some people have a Bible verse to live by and we call it the life verse



I remember our pastor talking about what is our life verse and that we should have our life verse to live by.
One time in our cell group (bible study group) my friend was sharing something about her life verse.
When she asked us about our life verse I cant share of anything they were even trying to tease me with Psalms 23 oh well, its because I have memorized Psalms 23 and I recited it one time in our cell group yeah, I have memorized it but I cant really say that its my life verse.. I have memorized some bible verses too but I have forgotten most of the bible verses we had in Sunday School.



Anyway, how I found my life verse?



My mother gave it to me.. nah, its not the give that you think
Its just that one time, I sent here a text message telling here about the misunderstanding I had with my sister she told me not to mind it and gave me this verse:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.



At the very moment I read her message, I felt Gods word I realized its meaning.



Actually, we had this as a bonus points in one of our exam in College (our instructor is a Christian and its his way of sharing Gods word you know, how instructors can be out of topic at times.. hahaha) and I have been hearing my 5-year old niece memorizing this verse (she is studying in a Christian Pre-school) and I guess Ive had this in my Sunday School but I didnt really care it only became meaningful to me when my mother reminded me of the  verse



She gave me Proverbs 3:5 but my life verse if Proverbs 3:5-6



Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path..

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Thursday, July 31

what my co-trainees think about me

This one is from our speaking activity we had last Tuesday, July 29, 2008.



You know the game, in which you would write your name in a paper and your paper will be passed around and the people with you in that room (friends, classmates, colleagues) will write their comment about you?... I don’t really know the name of the game but it’s what we did.



Sikat037



Neweiz, after that we were asked to summarize everything and state either you agree or disagree with them and present it. So here is what I got.



The comments I usually get from people are that I’m friendly and kind.  I agree with them because I don’t find it hard to approach people and make new friends. They also say that I’m pretty and sexy. I am not so sure about this since beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some people also say that I am honest and trustworthy. Well, most of my friends find it comfortable talking to me about their problems and personal matters. Also, I am very much willing to lend them my ear if they need somebody to talk to.
They also say that I am childish, sweet and soft-spoken. I guess that is because I am the youngest among the siblings and my family usually treats me like a kid.
Some people also say that I am smart. If smart means having an IQ which is above average then I guess I am, but most of the time I feel like I’m stupid.

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Monday, July 7

i want to cry......
i want to cry because i hate.. i hate the situation...



its my first day of training.... i only got 1 or 2 hrs of sleep.. my training is 6am to 2 pm..
im used to sleeping at around 4 am or 5 am... tried my best to get a good night rest... tried my best to sleep at 11 but i dont know what happend i woke up at around 1.. tried my best to go back to sleep but i cant...



well, the training is fine..



what i hated is that when i arrived home its locked... and i recieved a txt message from my sister that she is in the megamall watching a movie...
she knows ill be off at two.. why on earth she didnt text me before two.. i will still received the message anyway...
i hate this.. my stomach is not in the good mood... my feet are tired and aching because of my shoes... and i want to sleep... plus, she promised me we will be going to market-market after my training... another plus, i want to sleep and i still need to do my assignments... and i still have to buy something for lunch tommorow... gggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...... i can do nothing... all i can do is cry and rant about this here...... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......

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Monday, June 30

Mr. Frank

The name Frank is everywhere in the news nowadays… He has damaged a lot of homes and a lot of lives… He has caused floods, land slide, mud slide and has caused a ship to capsize…Wow.. Mr. Frank you must very really powerful.



And yeah, I am talking to the storm that the PAGASA has named Frank…



I don’t really have anything to do in our apt. right now but sleep, eat, play pc games, wash clothes (sometimes), cook and of course watch TV. This is almost my routine everyday.
At first, I didn’t really care about the storm Frank… its like I wasn’t really interested… when, I heard of the news about the MV. Princess of  the Stars, at first I didn’t really care… but when one of my close friend in college told me that the uncle of our other college close friend was one of the passenger of the ship that hasn’t been found yet and she needs our prayer, that’s the time it go my attention…
Plus the next day, I saw the news and saw the position of the ship… I was so saddened, I can almost imagine the people inside… actually it reminded me of the movie “Poseidon”
I was like “oh wow!, why on earth did these people even risk their lives traveling in the storm?"... and that includes the crew and the passengers...



Actually I have an almost similar but quiet far experience with this back in high school…



My mom and I were in cebu at that time, my father sent an sms to my mother, he told her that we better make sure to travel home that night because there is a low pressure area… my mother even gave an odd  look, because we weren’t really planning to stay long…
Fast forward…..
I was sleeping, when my mother kept waking me up but my eyes were still so heavy and I still want to sleep… my mother have told me to wake up and get ready since we were almost there… since I still have heavy eyes, my mom already prepared our things and put it near the stairs… since my mother wouldn’t stop waking me up, I finally did… but I was really dizzy and I almost cant stand up…. But I really tried my best to stand and went near the stairs… suddenly all the decks moved to one side… and everybody screamed, everybody was scared and some even panicked… That’s when I realized why my mom was acting like that, and why I am really dizzy. It’s because the ship was rocking and it hasn’t docked yet. Not in its expected time to dock.
All the passenger gather a life vest and went to the other side to help balance the ship…
Some where crying, some were contacting their loved ones through their cell phone and some where praying loud… there was even this lady who stood infront, asked to people to calm down and pray…
we saw some people that my mother know, we sat with them and prayed… my mom lead the prayer… it was also the first time that I got sick and vomited from traveling, the second time was during my trip here in manila.. .
So yeah, we were actually near the pier, the problem was, the ship couldn’t dock and it went near the shore instead of the pier.
So yeah, we were able to get to the shore with the help of life raft… (pardon me, I will no longer tell the details to cut this short..)
Unluckily, I think two or three passengers died… I guess there was a baby and an old woman.. the old woman died because she brought her bag with here and i think it accidentally tied her neck… but nothing has happened to the ship.. we just claimed our things the next day…



Lesson here?.. material things cant be brought in the life after death… so stop being so materialistic…



Neweiz, so that’s the story, lets go back to what I am trying to say here…



I was also saddened when I found out that the storm has caused a lot of damaged to some part of the country…
It came to my mind that life really is too short and people should realize that… our lives are just borrowed from God… we cant stop a storm… we cant stop its damage.. once the damage has been done it is done…
However, I pity those people who were affected of the capsized MV. Princess of the Stars, but I cant stop asking why on earth did they risk their lives traveling knowing there is a storm…



Lesson here?... live with the quote “prevention is better than cure” plus don’t rely on the promises of the company… remember, titanic was a promising ship… but look what had happened?



And here is what my sister had told me, “God will really protect His people but of course we also have to respect his creation and storm is God’s creation. plus God already gave a warning...”

Continue Reading...

Thursday, June 5

my trip

i am now in Pasig...



and i hate the trip...
i hate how we stayed very long in a stop over in samar because the the bus engine woundnt start...
i hate it coz when we arrived in luzon, we suffered for like two hours without aircon.. people were shouting and were begging for the bus driver to turn on the aircon or if there is something wrong at least just open the door... people were begging for air...
and when the aircon was back, it was freezing cold...
the foods from the stop over were very expensive and i cant enjoy those not-so-enjoyable foods since my gums are swelling... i still need to go to the dentist..
i hate sitting in the bus for more than a day..
we stopped at PAsay instead of Cubao... the bus and us cant take it anymore... lol



i miss my parents and the people i left in baybay...
my parents kept texting me... reminding me to take my vitamins, not to fight with my sister and to always pray..



yester night, my mother sent me an sms and told me that CJ my niece asked her to tell me that she misses me.. mom also reminded me to take care of my teeth.. oh well, my family is just concerned with my teeth.. lol
i asked my mother to call us using our landline...
my mother cried and confessed that they misses me or us.. its just not the same without their product in the house.. lol...
well, im the youngest and i have been with them for too long...
they are so going to miss the pasaway me.. hahaha



next week, ill start my job hunt.. wish me luck...  and pray for me.. ;)

Continue Reading...

Sunday, June 1

ill be away from home

my neice CJ is crying because she will miss me...





Ill be leaving baybay tomorrow… ill be somewhere in Pasig…
ill be staying with my sister but I wont be applying in the company where she
works… if I do, and ill get the job then she will be my trainor.. I don’t like
that and she doesn’t like that either…



Neweiz, ill be missing my friends and all the special people
in my life… this would actually be my first time to be away from home for a
very long time…



I don’t really know what will happen to me there… but I
know that God wont leave me if I continue to follow Him… ;)

Continue Reading...

Sunday, May 18

sunburn

Ouch… my skin hurts…



 



Sunburn!






That’s what I got from swimming under the scorching fire of
the sun at 10 am to 3 pm… whew… and oh, I got tan lines too... lol



P5200548

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Tuesday, April 22

where will i be after graduation?

Somebody from the VSU friendster group said that “the world seems so hard
for fresh graduates with all those discriminations”. But I think that with
prayer, determination and the right attitude you will soon land the job you
want.
And as I was reading other people’s comment about the topic, their advice to
the fresh graduates and to those looking for a job were mostly:



1. be confident
2. wear the proper attire
3. be on time or before the time for your interview
4. fix yourself before the interview and condition your mind for possible
questions (usually based on what is written in the CV)
5. give eye-to-eye contact to the interviewer
6. be honest
7. exhibit interest, sincerity, and willingness to adapt to the future
environment
8. pray, most of them said “pray”



Also, there was a thread in the forum about how students who graduated with
flying colors flunk in job interviews because they have poor English
communication skills and they lack confidence during the interview.



Students should not only focus on getting high grades but they should also
practice their communication skills. Student should know that practicing and
speaking English are not for DevCom students only or other communication
students, it’s for everybody.



Actually, I have been thinking of where will I, be after college. Will I
land a job in line with my course and major? Or will I end up in a call center?
Or will I take up BS psychology? Or will I pursue MS in DevCom, as what my
father suggested.



Now, I’m planning to take a break first before I’ll hunt for job. I want to
have a real vacation. I mean, I want to enjoy life free from worrying about
school and assignments. I want to be fed with a life of sleeping late and
waking up late. I still want to spend my time with friends and families for I
know that if I already have a job there will be less time to spend with them.



Maybe after two or three months I will start my job hunt.



I used to think that I should take a break for a year, but I think that
would be impossible. Now, every time I think of finding a job, what comes in my
mind is the salary and how will I budget it. The salary is what I’m really
excited about. I’m thinking that a portion of it will be for the church, a
portion for my father and another for my mother. Some will go for the rent of
where will I be staying and for my food and other necessities. I’m not yet
really thinking of what should I buy for myself all I could really think of right
now is what I should buy for my parents, a gift for all their sacrifices in
sending me to school. Maybe I will buy them a car if I can have a lot of
savings.



Where will I be after two or three months? Right now, what comes in my mind
is that I will be applying as an agent in a call center. My sister is working
in PeopleSupport, and my family is thinking that I should work and stay with
her in Manila but I don’t want to. I think Manila
is quite far and I will miss my parents and my hometown. Maybe I should work in
Cebu first and if I get used to the life away
from home then that would probably be the time that I will stay with my sister.





Actually, I have even been asking my friends in the call center about the
process of applying and how is it like to be a call center agent. I have also
been asking for tips and advice. I am also thinking of teaching English in a
Korean school. But if ill find a more interesting job then I would probably go
for it.


 




**note: this is actually my comment for a post in Devcompage last March.. i just edited it for my blog.. lol

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Monday, April 14

school is out forever

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no more school work, no more projects, no more terror and funny instructors, no more morning-the-nights session for me and for us DevCom 08 graduates... yeah, school is out forever, (unless if they still want to proceed to graduate course or other courses)...



im going to miss the VSU fastfood center, VSU Market, VSU beach, Administration Building, the DYAC, the Dept of Development Communication…



Also I will miss the VSU anniversary celebration…



im going to miss my classmates, the overtime/overnight which we call morning-the-night, the worries of beating the deadline and every good and not-so-good experience we had..



Now, I would like to welcome myself to the real harsh world...



 

Continue Reading...

Thursday, March 27

my thesis acknowledgement

Now to Him who is able to do
immeasurably more than we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at
work within us. Ephesians 3:20



 



This
piece of work will never be accomplished without our God Almighty with His blessings
and His power that work within me and also without the people behind my life
for inspiring, guiding and accompanying me through thick and thin.



 



I
would like to extend my heartfelt gratitude to my family, Mama Lorie,
Papa
Bcheer, Manang Tian-tian, Kuya Jong-jong and Ate Intsik
. Thanks for all the love and support
even though I am pasaway.



 



To
my adviser, Ma’am
Moni
, thank you very much for patiently correcting and editing my
manuscript and for being like a mother to us, your advisees, and your students.
I honestly thank God that He gave you as my adviser.



 



To
my SRC, Ma’am Annabelle and Sir Rotach,
thank you for imparting your knowledge and for checking and editing my work for
those things that Ma’am Moni may have missed.



 



To
the DDC Family, especially to Ma’am
Daday, Ma’am Freda, Sir Jude, Ma’am Avril, and Ma’am Ev
, thank you for
sharing with us your knowledge and showing us what DevCom is about.



 



To
Ate Minda and Manong Frank, thank
you for all your kindness.



 



To
the
DYAC
staff
, especially to Ate Mariss, Ate Lalang, and Kuya Angelo,
thank you for accepting us in DYAC and for letting us use your computer to edit
our recordings.



 



To
my DC classmates, Genevie-an, you never get
tired of thinking of other people, thank you for that. Rick,
thanks for always being their when I need your help and company. Jennefer, thanks for being there when I need someone
to talk to, you know me more than our other classmates. Ching-ching, thanks for your yummy chocolate cake and for just
letting us in and out of your house. Emilee, I
will never forget our chikas and our agib-agib moments, I will see you in every
Fernandez clan reunion. Sherma, I will never
forget the way you laugh and just continue being simple and humble.

Carmel

,
ang banko ng bayan, thanks for
lending us your money when we need it. Iking
thanks for making the class jolly and lively. You help the class forget their
worries even for a while. Jomvi, thanks for all
those fashion tips and trivia that we don’t really understand. Jean and Ate Lanie, thanks for all your words of wisdom.
To not-so-shy Shy, serious Cathy, Ireen the
writer, simple ate Jyt, the small but terrible Ate Tonet and chinita ate
Rushelle
thanks for all those chikahan
and the friendship. Kuya Robel and Kuya June
thanks for being like a real big brother. Kuya Mervyn,
thanks for the friendship and the chikahan
inside Ma’am Moni’s office while working with our thesis. Gian, Emman and Jayson, thanks for the laughter and
fun experiences we’ve shared. Jabby and Marriane,
hope you graduated as a DevCom student with us but still I thank God for all
the moments we have shared. To wrap it up, thanks everyone, for making my college life
fun, enjoyable and sometimes unforgettable. And thanks for making the “morning
the nights” session untiring and enjoyable experience
.



 



To
my Baybay Assembly of God family,
especially to the BAG youth, thanks to Pastor Don,
kuya Joey, Crissol, Arjane, Michael, Paulo, Mandy,
Bem-bem, May, Leinefe
especially to Raymond,
Kitty
and of course to Christopher. And to the rest, whom I failed to
mention, thank you very much for your prayers. It really helped a lot.



 



To
my dearest friends and barkada,
thanks for being there for me when I need you. Fergie thanks for being there for
me since first grade. You are no longer a friend you’re already a sister to me.
Mico,
my best boy buddy, thanks for the overnight chikahan,
may it be personal, thru txt or YM and for the assurance of standing for me
always. Bebing,
thanks for volunteering yourself to help me process my clearance form. Thanks
for accompanying me always; you even enrolled yourself in BSDC just so we can
be together. To these pretty ladies, April, Marriane, Naji,
Ate Joan, Laarnie, Kathy, Rizza, Nheir, Em and Itat
, and to these
handsome boys, Seasee, Samboy, Joben, Jasper, Neil,
Glenn, Al, Archie, Ogie
and to the rest whom I failed to mention, thanks
for making my high school life a wonderful experience and thanks for all your
support and for believing in me.



 



To
everybody that has been a part of my life but I failed to mention, thank you
very much. There won’t be enough space if I will mention you all.



 



 



 



Josie/Josh/Mangga/Neneng

                                                                                          

Amaranth



** thanks Iking for the special delivery of my personal copy of my thesis... lol


Continue Reading...

Monday, March 24

we met an accident.. huhuh

met a motorcycle accident this morning with bebing but the injury isnt really that bad.. i guess.. just scratches in my back and in my elbow... and in bebings right foot...
im taking the blame coz i was the one driving the motorcycle.. huhuhuhu...
sorry bing, dont worry i will let you eat lot of lechon after my graduation.. lol..



neweiz, here is my injury... waaahhhh.. please dont mind the stretch marks.. lol
P3242058




oh well, i guess that large Band-Aid my grandmother gave us will now be of use... waaaaaahhhhhh



and oh, if you'll ask me why we met an accident, the answer is because im graduating... lol... that's what i jokingly answer to my classmates.. hahaha...



implication: graduating students are prone to accidents.. lol



still, I thank God that nothing really bad happend... ;)

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Wednesday, February 27

my reading interest

This entry reminds of Ms. Avril. She kept telling us (her journalism class) to read before we die…

 

 

 

Anyway,
it was my mom who first taught me how to read. I think I started
reading when I was around 4 - 5 years old. We had lots of beginner
books by Dr. Suess (Green Eggs and Ham and The Cat in the Hat) and P.D. Eastman (Go, Dogs GO!, Sam and the Firefly, The Fish Out of the water, Snow, etc.)
and other children's book. My mom would ask me to read it aloud and
pronounce the words correctly. Usually it was my older sister that
would correct me with my pronunciation. Sometimes, my mother would ask
me to read a book before I can go out to play. I would sit beside her and read a book while she sleeps. I just mark those words I don't understand or those that I can't read. Then, she would check the book for the words that I have marked.

 

I also remember owning these other hard-bound children's books like King Midas and the Golden Touch, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, The Berrestain Bears etc. And the book that I kept reading over and over again was the King Midas and the Golden Touch.

 

My mother also bought a complete collection of "My Bible Friends" by Etta B. Degering and "Uncle Arthur's Bible Book" by Arthur S. Maxwell for me to read.

 

 

 

I didn't really have the interest of reading novels. I find it boring. What I usually read are articles from Readers' Digest and Health and Home
that would heighten my interest. I remember when I was about to go to
high school and my sister is about to have her first job, she promised
me that she would collect Nancy Drew books for me.
I was like "no thanks, I don't read novels anyway. They're boring". I'd
rather have a bike than novels. (I didn't even know Nancy Drew at that
time. Not until high school.)

 

 

 

But in high school, the library was my favorite place to hang. I would usually spend my free time there. I'd go there to read abridged novels (usually Sherlock Holmes) that I can finish before the next class. But I have also read the unabridged "Round the World in Eighty Days" and "

Gone

 

Away

Lake

". I borrowed it from the library.

 

But
when I transferred school, I didn't get to visit the library like
before. I guess maybe because of the school system. So all I read are
again articles from Readers' Digest, Health and Home and Candy
magazine. Also I just read books that are available at home.

 

 

 

Last year, when the Da Vinci Code was the talk-of-the-earth my brother got interested. But when he went to the National Bookstore it was all sold out. So he bought Dan Brown's Angels and Demons instead.
He gave it to me after he finished reading it. I find it interesting
and I got hooked into it. We would even discuss about it during meal
times.  After that, he borrowed Da Vinci Code from his officemate for the both of us to read.

 

He also gave me another novel. It was John Grisham's The Firm.
It captured his interest since it was about a lawyer and he is taking
up Bachelor of Laws but it didn't capture mine. Until now I haven't
read it. I even have it borrowed by my classmate. Lol.

 

But I think I will read it this vacation since I will be having more free time and it got a good review from my friend.

 

 

 

All
in all, my interest in reading are not really with novels but with
articles from serials like Readers' Digest and Health and Home and also
from articles that I find interesting in the internet. 

 

 

 

So why I read?.. I guess it's for me to be entertained and be aware.

 

 

 

**note: this is actually supposed to be a comment for an entry about reading of my instructors blog in devcompage i just realized i should put this in my blog too..

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Saturday, February 23

am i that prominent?.. hahaha

sometimes it gets irritating when you become the talk of the people...



i wonder when they will get used to it.. or maybe ill get used to it first... tsk tsk tsk tsk...



i hope they'll stop it before ill burst... waaaaaaaaahhhhhhh



now, dont ask me what im talking about... coz im not gonna tell... what's in ur mind is whats in your mind...



oh well, if I weren't worth anything then they wouldn't bother...
hahahaha...

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Monday, February 18

heart of worship

Finaly, I am baptized with water..

 

People
were shocked when they found out that I haven't been baptized yet. Even
our Pastor was shocked when I suddenly came for the baptism. Lol… I guess maybe because I have been in AG since birth. And my family are all Christians and I grew up knowing God

 

Actually
I already decided to undergo water baptism when I was still a kid. But
then, my father told me not to since I was still young and also Jesus
was baptized at age 33 then why should I be baptized at a young age?
Well, that was what I remember he told me. I don't know if he was
serious with that or he was just kidding that I shouldn't undergo
baptism yet. But I took it seriously.

 

So yeah, I went through high school with my Christian and not so Christian life.
I think I have done most the things a typical teenager would do. I have
a lot of friends which people would think are not good examples. I have
a lot of worldly friends. Well, they didn't really influence me that
much. Although people from our church thinks I am totally lost (I know,
they were thinking that way), I didn't really totally neglected my
relationship with God. I would even share God's words with some of my
friends. I usually do it in a conversational manner. Yet I admit I have
fallen down a lot of times.

 

I admit there are
times in which instead of waking up early on Sundays to attend the
worship service, im in my bed fast asleep. Usually I'm hard to awaken
during Sundays and I would give my mom different alibis so that I can't
get up from my bed. Sometimes if I would attend the Sunday worship
service I am so late that I can't even join the praise and worship. Oh well, most of the time I'm with my mom and most of the time my mom is so slow.

 

My life continued this way until college. (I had a new group of friends and these were my classmates.)
Yet, I have become a little mature this time. I have become concerned
with my spiritual life but still I admit I haven't turned my back to
all the worldly things.

 

I still have an
inactive spiritual life. There were times when it feels like I have a
very weak spiritual life. I don't go to church on Sundays and I sleep
and wake up without talking to God/ praying (I can't really sleep
without praying and I cant start a day without praying as I wake up). I
don't know what happened to me. Anyway, one of the reasons that I don't
go to church on Sundays was that we had a lot of overtimes/overnight in
our department for our assignments and projects. We would work even on
Saturday nights and on Sunday morning ill be sleeping. With all those
Sundays that I haven't attended the Sunday worship service I lost my
eagerness to go to church.

 

That was until I realized I miss a lot of fun church activities and I felt like I am walking away from Jesus.
I made a commitment to myself that I will renew my relationship with
God. I promised myself to return to God. I just realized that life is too short to be wasted with all those worldly things. Now I will be working for my salvation. I realized I don't want to end my college life with a very weak spiritual life.--

 

Suddenly,
on Saturdays it was I that will remind my mother to wake up early the
next day so that we won't be late on going to church. Until one Sunday,
all youth were requested to stay after the service for a meeting for
the presentation for the Christmas party. I was at first hesitant to
stay for the meeting until I decided to stay and grabbed my friend
Kitty with me. We decided to join the presentation. When it was
announced that there will be a youth fellowship, I really had the heart
to join while kitty was in doubt. I told her that if she will join then
I will certainly will.

 

I'm glad we (kitty and I) joined that fellowship and the drama presentation coz we developed friendship with other youth.



 

 

Neweiz,
I was baptized last Sunday that was February 10, 2008. That baptism
will be my covenant to God that I will be following his way. That
baptism means that I am creating a new relationship with God and I pray
that I won't be lost again.

 

And please help me pray…

 

 



     



 

p.s.



if there is one song that will fit my life now that will be Heart of Worship



     

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Monday, February 4

Blog Time Again

Ahihihi.. finaly I can post another entry…. Lol



Well, connection is back… globelines broadband has been down
for almost two weeks… tsk tsk tsk…



 



Neweiz, many things happened in my life this month… and I
don’t think im gonna enumerate all… hahahaha…



I guess ill just jot down everything that will come out in
my mind…



but before anything else.. let me have a speedtest...



totally unsatisfied with the result.. tsk tsk tsk... connection is still slow... my first time to use speedtest i have 800+ download speed... and now?... i only have 200 + download speed?.. tsk tsk tsk



* * * * *



After two months (or maybe almost) of unlimited texting
globe-globe, (6,000 plus of text messages sent) globe has finally realized I
have enough… waahhh…



What happened?.. I was just registering to globe unlitxt20
one day.. the next day, when I woke up I expected to see a text message from
UNLITXT that my unlimited txt have expired… but there was none.. so I tried to
txt somebody and checked my available balance if they charged it… but wow..
they didn’t.. hahaha… so, yeah,.. I was unlimited for like two months…



and right now… for all my friend’s reading this… im sorry if
I haven’t been txting you lately coz I no longer have reason to register to
unlimited text…



 



* * * * *



Some text messages I have received that struck me that I am
keeping in my inbox….



 



From

carmel

:



  At
one time of your life, the one you have valued the most will unexpectedly turn
out to be the greatest stranger you have ever met….



 



From Fergie:



 In love, you have to expect absence
in some point… but that doesn’t mean an end… all you have to do is wait … give
the person space, coz true love is proven when a person has seen the best
people in the world but still turns back to where you are, reaches for your
hand and chooses you above the world’s best…



 



From Joyce:



Sometimes,
we realize to change for the better just when the situation got wore… we
realize to to finally correct out mistakes just when those mistakes have caused
irreversible damage… we finally decide to prove ourselves worthy just when the
person whom you want to prove your worth has already decided that your not
worth it at all.. most of the lessons are learned when the test is over… that’s
how ironic life is…



 



From Nimrod:



 Nothing in life makes us grow more
than the way we respond to challenges… so don’t be afraid to encounter risk for
its by taking chances that we learn how to be brave…



 



From Lilay:



 Sometimes, no matter how you miss
someone, it’s still wiser not to have that person back again…



 



 



Neweiz, are you guys psychic?... do you guys know what is
currently happening in my life?... waaaaaaaahhhhhhhh….



 



* * * * *



 



New close friends from church… Raymond, Dindin, Kitty and I… I think this friendship developed during
the 14th circuit 1 AG youth fellowship in Bato,

Leyte


its fun hanging with them… specially I am hanging with Christian youth… keeps
me away from worldly things… lol;)



And oh, according to Raymond, our friendship is solid…
hahaha



Newyear_036




 





Im glad me and Kitty attended that youth fellowship… ;)



Youth_fellowship_024  Youth_fellowship_057



Youth_fellowship_051_1 Youth_fellowship_095















* * * * *



The last time I have attended a Cell Group Bible Study
according to what I have remembered was like back when I was 12 or 13… Me and
Pakwan used to attend… now, im back to attending BS after like 5 or 6 years…
that was until Dindin brought me to the Acts Cell Group… Im actually an Acts
youth ever since… I just don’t attend to BS even though my big bro keeps
inviting me to go with him… hahaha… now, im enjoying it… and I am developing friendship
with other youth… oh well, its because, im coming back to the heart of
worship.. ;)



 



* * * * *



February 11, 2008 – Thesis manuscript approved by the thesis
adviser…



February 29, 2008 – Thesis manuscript  approved by the SRC members…



 



Waaahh… Feb 11 is next week…i hope I can beat that deadline…
neweiz, those schedule are just guide… we don’t necessarily have to beat it…



My adviser said, she thinks we cant beat the Feb 11… and oh,
she will be going to Hongkong this 15… better work on my manuscript now..



 



* * * * *



Neweiz, right now… im in a
confusing and not so ok situation…. Hope I can handle this… and hold on to the decision
I have made…



 

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Saturday, January 5

its over

yeah... i already broke up with him... and i dont know if i did the right thing... its not that i no longer love him... its just that i want time with myself.. i want to be free from the relationship... coz it seems that our relationship is going nowhere...
tears from our eyes kept falling... and one thing i realized its REALLY hard to let go if you still want to hold on... huhuhuhuhu

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