Friday, December 19

wish i am strong

what is so wrong with you?

yeah... its my fave line.. hahaha.. i kept asking my friends who love to bug me if what is so wrong with them... hahaha.. but that question is now coming back to me.. what is so wrong with me...

lately, i have been so insecure, emotional and all... i am feeling alone again... memories of the past has been haunting me again, reminding me of my stupidity... i have been crying for almost no particular reason again...

i have been telling my self im strong but im not... i pretend to be strong because i wanna be strong...

i have been trying to laugh at those sick jokes my colleagues were cracking... but eveytime we are silent and i am just staring at my monitor it makes me wanna cry... i want to have a lot of calls.. that way i can be busy and forget about myself but think of the customers concern...

my closest friend in the office has noticed the change.. he noticed that there is a gap between the two of us.. i noticed that too... i was thinking he is the one who has been keeping himself away from me... but maybe he is right, i am the one who is keeping the gap...

i dont know, i guess i am too emotional that i feel like i have nobody run about this... my "personal diary" is miles away... and oh, we are almost in the same sitch... tsktsktsk...

i dont understand myself... i want to cry... ive been giving out loud sighs... i cant cry infront of everybody.. but when i am alone that is the time that i let go of my emotion.. that is the only time i can let my tears fall...

paranoia please stay away from me... spirit of the past, stop bugging me... lonelines, please stay out from my door...

121508

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