Monday, October 25

1st month of motherhood

it has been a month since i gave birth to Sofia and until now i am still amazed by how a 3.2 kg 53 cm tall baby was able to fit in my tummy and how she was able to live in there for nine months and how she was able to get out from there too.. i am still amazed by this gift..

i survived.. i survived the pain of labor and still surviving from the emotional pain of being heart broken...

it has been more than a month, i thought im already ok, but there are still cold nights that my tears would fall.. at times when i stare at Sofie my tears would fall. its not because i dont want my baby, but its because i still love her dad and yet i want to forget him..

im confused, i would miss him, i still love him but i want to hate him, i want to forget him.

it has been more than a month, and there are still a lot of times that i would feel im ok and then feel the pain..

i have quit communicating with him because its only breaking my heart more. i wish i could just erase him in my life.. i wish i become numb.

this is my first month of motherhood, and when people ask me how is being a mom, i would usually reply that its exciting and sleepless.

i havent really had a good night sleep. Sofie cries almost every three hours and i have to feed her. but i am always excited of what Sofie can do. im excited to buy things for her. im excited to see her grow up. im excited about everything about her..

and i just love staring at her and see her facial expressions.. i love smelling her, kissing her.. i love my baby..

today, we somehow celebrated Sofie's 1st month. we had cake and ice cream and i told my friends its her birthday.. lol...


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